You Feel Me?
Maurice Caldwell, Activist, Poet, and Lecturer, Northern California Innocence Project Exoneree. Read an article about Maurice Caldwell’s case.
By Maurice Caldwell
I was stabbed in prison.
I was stabbed in the head, neck, and chest.
I knew at that moment
That I could be killed
At any time, on any day,
Without ever knowing it.
Being in prison was like
Going to war every day.
It was only when
I was locked in my cell at night
That I felt I was safe.
You feel me?
I had to fight it,
That feeling of defeat,
All the way through prison.
There is no end to it,
There are no boundaries,
No structure to life.
You have to create structure to survive,
You just never give up.
A fight over bacon
Could put a riot
Of 600 inmates in the yard.
Rarely is there
1 on 1 fighting,
It’s all punching and weapons.
And when a riot is going on
Nobody stops.
Police in the gun tower
Will start shooting.
There are no warning shots,
They will kill you quick.
You feel me?
In a Level 4 prison
Nobody gives a fuck.
These guys have nothing,
They have given up.
Prison is all about negative things
When I was in prison
I didn’t want to get caught up
In this negative crowd.
It’s just toilets sitting there.
No bathrooms with doors.
When you take a shit in the Yard,
It’s a time of weakness.
Guys right next to you,
Are shitting out knives.
U-sa-lama is a word
We used in prison.
It means security.
Even when taking a shit
You still need protection.
You need your people there.
You feel me?
I felt suicidal in prison
When my mother, grandmother, and brother all died.
I was in the hole
When my grandmother died.
The cards I sent her
Would come back to me.
When I got out of the hole
I called my sister.
Her husband told me.
I was so hurt.
Hell no!
She fought for me all my life.
When she died,
All I felt
Was kill me.